Dramatic SFB: Scenario 2491: After Action Report - Great Green Gorn verses Flota de Invasion Andromedan

[Paul Meyer]

Captain Traloc was on patrol in the Andromedan sector. He was currently trying to figure out who he p***ed off to get this assignment. The Andromedans were one of the Great Green Gorn’s greatest foes. Captain Traloc couldn’t even think of the last time the Gorn had won an encounter with them. And, they were a primary reason that Mr. Gorntastic got voted out of office.

The only thing he could do was hope that he didn’t encounter any Andros on this patrol. “Captain Traloc, Sir, we just picked up an Andromedan convoy on our scope. What would you have a us do?” his Science Officer informed him.

Traloc bowed his head into his hands and took a deep breath. He couldn’t figure out what annoyed him more at the moment, his Science Officer or Mr. Bossk’s new policy of aggression. Now that the WHOLE SHIP knew of the Andros, thanks to the SCIENCE OFFICER, he knew that he had only one choice. He had to engage.

With the rest of his fleet eager for some action, the Gorn fleet arrived on site just as they had finished charging their weapons. The Andros were obviously ready for them as all of their weapons were charged and ready for action.

“We’re detecting six cargo sleds accompanied by the PYT Pacquiao, MAM Punyo, VIP Golpe, and the EEL La Defensa.” The Science Officer made it sound like an even fight against Traloc’s DDF Dahalokely, DD Pikachu, DD Litten, and DD Bisharp. But, Traloc knew better in that both the Pacquiao and the Punyo had higher Intergalactic Ship Annex ratings than his best ship, the Dahalokely.

And, what kind of name was ‘Pikachu’, anyway?!? That sounded to Traloc like some kid’s toy, not some mighty Federation warrior. Traloc couldn’t help but think that their Department of Defense’s policy of naming DDs after Federation warriors needed to be re-considered.

But, that was a thought for another time as he needed to focus on the Andromedans.

Taking a quick evaluation of the situation, Traloc’s plan was to approach the convoy from their starboard side. He figured that the cargo sleds would turn to port and make a run for it while the Andro warships would turned towards his fleet for an alpha pass. Traloc figured he’d get one or two of his ships crippled, but with any luck, he’d be able to cripple two or maybe out right destroy one of the Andro ships.

That’s why Traloc was a little surprised when the warships turned to port as well, following the cargo sleds. Surprised and a little relieved, although he couldn’t figure out right away what the Andros were planning, he could tell from his ship readouts that they had little to no armament in their rear arcs.

Once his ships were within a range of 11, he fired off a salvo of pseudo plasmas in order to keep the Andros guessing. Hopefully it would keep them from using their Dis Dev before Traloc’s fleet could get a couple of shots off.

As fate would have it, Traloc was able to charge within range 5 of the Andro warships and fire off alpha strikes from the DDL Dahalokely and the DD Pikachu crippling the PYT Pacquiao.

After a performance like that, the Andro warships broke off from the cargo sleds and departed the battle field. Captain Traloc had a to take a minute to recover from his surprise. Had he actually defeated the Andromedans?!? He might get a promotion out of this one!

But now, what to do with the crippled Andromedan ship? He’d thought of letting it return to the Andro empire with the idea that they would return the favor if he was ever in the same situation. But then he remembered Mr. Bossk’s policy of aggression and realized that if he let the ship go, he might instead wind up as the Ambassador to the Jagdstaffel-2, Paravian empire. Traloc had a chill run down his spine just thinking about it.

The one humanitarian thing that Traloc WAS going to do was at least allow the crew to abandon the ship and head home. Then he found out that the Andromedan race was a race of robots. For some reason, he was thinking that the Andromedans were a humanoid race of blue-skinned people with white hair and two small horns on their heads. “In that case, let’s just torch the ship, collect the cargo sleds, and go home!”

As the ships headed back to Gorn space, Captain Traloc received a report of what the Andros were transporting on their cargo sleds. After all, if they’re a race of robots, what could they possibly need? Crude oil and batteries?!?

Flipping through the cargo manifest, Traloc couldn’t help but think about Mr. Gorntastic and his demise. The cargo was, in order of sled: prophylactics, blow, crackers, jelly, jam, crumpets…  “What the heck are CRUMPETS?!?”



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